He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize