I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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