hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
