jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
