normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
