I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
