I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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