when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
