Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How's work?
Spinning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
