I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
