i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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