P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
