time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
