just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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