i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
