Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
