You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
