So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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