I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
