I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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