Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
