I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
