end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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