I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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