I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
