I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
