So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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