new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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