How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
