i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
