in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
