I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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