im drinking this country out of the recession.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
