you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
