Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize