If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish you could order shots online.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
