If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
