He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
