i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
