Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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