I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
