Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
