I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
