I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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