4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
