How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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