I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This is the high leading the old right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
