I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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