Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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