I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
