She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
