Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize