I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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