Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
