God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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