Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
