Buhtt sex?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
