one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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