Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
