she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
