I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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