ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
