Can Purell be used as lube?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
