just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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