Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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