you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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