But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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