I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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