So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
