Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i would one night stand the shit outta him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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