He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ttyl tear gas
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
