I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My cat gives me a boner
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
this hospital has no fireball
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
