there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
