Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize