Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize