Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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