My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I sprained my soul last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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