i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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